The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
