I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
