Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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