She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize