grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
