Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
