I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
