Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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