When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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