oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize