marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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