I feel like abortions should bother me more
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
