Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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