So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
