Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
