they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
