ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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