Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
