My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
