Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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