Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
