You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
