He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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