I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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