FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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