My underwear smells like fireworks.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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