New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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