So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
