I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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