I wish my penis had an off switch
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
