I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
