we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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