You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
