either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
