Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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