i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
