I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
