She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize