she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
