I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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