i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
