She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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