Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
