i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
