I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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