is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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