i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
