How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
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So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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