frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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