I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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