i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
