i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
