just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
