Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
