you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
