i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
two words...techno handjob
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
