First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
