Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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