her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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