I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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