it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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