I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
