i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
