P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
