It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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