The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
