we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
