Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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