so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
