would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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