I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
